the year in review

In the years, days or even moments before Logan was born you couldn't have made me believe how different I would feel/be when he got here.  It's as though Margaret Mitchell wrote my life's story until the moment he arrived, and then some other author booted her ass out and took over the storyline! To anyone without children, I want so desperately to tell you what it's like...but there are no words, no descriptions and no other life experiences that I can use to fill you in.  I can say that I hope, one day, everyone gets to experience it.  For those with children, you know, and so it requires no explanation.

The first weeks home with Logan were tough, but I am blessed to have the most amazing man I've ever met right by my side every step of the way.   Rob got up EVERY SINGLE TIME Logan cried at night...he really did, every time!  Rob would change Logan, swaddle him and bring him to me to nurse...I never got out of bed.  When I would wake up (yes, I fell asleep a lot while nursing), Logan was always done nursing and I would just slide him back into the bassinette and go back to bed. 

Days were tougher as I thought I needed to be superwoman...I tried to do all the things Logan related plus, shower myself, clean house, maybe even do something about dinner.  This meant that I totally ignored the whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" mantra.  Ignoring that sage advice was a mistake...I had meltdowns and lots of them.  I sent emails to friends asking how they got through it...those emails were barely coherent, and written through tears.  Becky told me to stick with nursing for 2 weeks, "Come hell or high water, do it for two weeks and it's all downhill from there," she said.   I am so glad I made that promise to myself before I started or I would have surely given up at the start.  Nursing, in and of itself, isn't terribly hard, after all babies already know what to do, but the time and commitment it takes is harder than hard.

In my 3rd week  I FINALLY made it out of the house (excluding Logan's 5 day old Dr's appt that Rob took us to) and headed to Mommy and Me at the hospital.  I was sweating and exhausted by the time I made it to the class, but I was out! YAY me!  If I could have stomached the alcohol, I would have had a celebratory glass of wine right then and there.  Alas, no alcohol in the women's center (perhaps I should put that in the suggestion box).

As hard as it was those first few weeks, it was even more wonderful. Sometimes I cried because I loved this little boy so much.  Sometimes I rejoiced because God had picked me to be a mommy.  I prayed a lot.  I prayed that God take care of this precious little life he'd afforded me.  I prayed every time Rob left the house...I loved him more than ever and every time he left I was terrified of anything happening to him.  I know that some of this was me coming down off the 9-month hormone kick I'd been riding, but mostly it was me learning about Love.  It's not what I thought it was...I mean, I love my parents, sister, husband, family, etc...But, my God in Heaven! This! This kind of Love trumps those a million times over and then some.  Every tear, every exhausted email, every fear, ever prayer, all of it came from this brand new place inside of me...a place I didn't know existed. (so in my head, despite how touching this might be, I see the Grinch's heart growing 3 sizes that day-LOL)

After the first month I really copped a groove. I think that's because at 4 weeks Logan went from needing to feel like he was still in the womb to all of a sudden "arriving."  He wanted to look at me and smile and coo.  I know the books say babies develop a lot in the first year but I had no idea how fast it really is.  I wish I had written more milestones down, but such is life.  Logan hated Tummy Time, hated it! But by 3 months, he had mastered that task and was pushing up on his arms to look around.  In his 4th month he was rolling...once he figured that out, there was no keeping him still.  Rob and I spent our first night away from Logan on August 21st, when we came home Sunday, Logan was sitting up.  I looked at Rob and said, "That's it. I'm never leaving again."  Of course, I was joking, well mostly. 

By 7.5 month Logan was crawling and the dogs were ticked!  He was everywhere and they couldn't get away! (Rob and I didn't baby proof, and we don't really plan to. Logan understands 'No' and has since at least 6 months.  We've run into some snags, and he likes to test us, but for the most part he listens.)  In addition to mastering the crawl, Logan could also clap, wave, point and identify the nose on other people (and the dogs).   

By 9 months Logan was standing on his own and during the 9th month he started walking a little behind those push toys and along the couch. I realized that he'd been out as long as he'd been in...9 months of incubating and 9 months of loving and he was up and about. At 11 months he said his first word, Puppy!  We consider that the first word because it's the first with any real meaning.  He's said mamamama and some form of dadad for a while, but not necessarily associating it with us.  But one Thursday night in February, I was holding him and letting the dogs in when he looked right at Abby, pointed and said pahp-hee!  "OMG, Rob! Did you hear that!?!?"  We'd both heard it clear as a bell...and for the rest of the night we made him say it over and over and over and over...

Logan's first Christmas was wonderful! It snowed all day!  Rob and I carried him and toys from high point to Winston and back again...twice.  We spent ample time with both families, and boy oh boy did that kid rack up!  We were very fortunate that Logan has spent time this year with his great grandparents; Grandpa Miller, Dampa Burr and Granny May.  As of today, he is just past his 1st birthday and is walking a few steps at a time on his own, identifying body parts, saying ba-yaya (banana), puppy, mama, dadad, baby and working on a few others.

We've had quite a year!  And this is only the beginning...