what an entrance!

March 5, 2010 was a Friday. I woke up feeling a little like I had to go to the bathroom (yes, I started with this).  But, pregnant and late for work, I jumped on through my morning routine and headed into work at 7:30.  3 minutes into my drive down 311 I felt the worst muscle cramp/pinched nerve I have ever felt in my back. I almost pulled the car over on the shoulder!  But it eased up and I finished my drive to the great big city of Archdale where I have worked for the past 10 (holy crap it's been that long) years.  Upon pulling into the lot and seeing my boss walk out the door, that damn nerve shot some more pain across my lower back.  It wasn't until my boss said, "So, you havin' a baby today or what?" that it hit me.  This is labor, I've gone into labor!  I threw him a pleasantry, walked in the door and hit a quick pace to my desk with my head down so as not to be spoken to.

(Baby Logan was going to be just like his mama...create a schedule and stick to it!  Doctors said his due date would be March 5th and by golly he was johnny on the spot)

I spent the next 3.5 hours timing my contractions and telling myself that I didn't need to go home. (if anyone watches The Office, I pulled a Pam) In hind sight, that was sooo dumb. At 11:30, with contractions about 6 minutes apart, I told the girls at work that I would go with them to lunch, but would need to take my sub to go.  We/I eat at Archdale Sub on pretty regular basis...they know me by name and had been tracking my pregnancy as they regularly fed my baby.  After scaring the pants off the kid taking my order who asked how I was just as I had a contraction (yeah, he might never have sex again), I grabbed my sub and headed for home (yes home, not the hospital).  I called Rob to apprise him of the situation...pretty sure he yelled at me for waiting so long...and started to drive.

For those of you that don't know; laboring and driving is right up there with drinking and driving...DANGEROUS!  I made it home, & tried to eat my sandwich (knowing I wasn't going to eat again until after this baby arrived) as Rob began to show me the stopwatch proving that I was contracting at just under 2 minutes apart! YIKES.  We were at the OB's office at 2PM only to find that I was not quite 3cm. So they sent me home to walk.  I walked, 3 steps at a time because that is a far as I could get before the next tingle turned to boulder crushing pressure (otherwise known as a contraction) hit me...I did this for 2 hours.  At 4:30 we returned to the OB for another barely changing measurement and it was time to be admitted.

Something everyone should know is that it's hard enough to pee in a cup on a normal basis, it is harder to pee in a cup when you are pregnant, but it is damn near impossible to do it while you are pregnant and contracting!  BUT, I did it...3 times that day.  Why my pee was so valuable, I will never understand, but the OB needed it and so did the admitting nurse.  So, I managed to collect a specimen and turn it over to them all while begging for drugs.  Rob parked the car and arrived just in time to see NASA hook me up to every monitor known to man.

It is about this time that I really lose track of time. Rob called family to tell them I was in labor.  (Chrissy arrived first...no surprise there as she was the 3rd most excited about Logan's arrival).  Sometime around 6 O'clock a tall, beautiful, black man floated into my room to make me the happiest woman on earth...you see he was the anesthesiologist!  I was so scared of the big needle he was going to put in my back, but I am here to tell you that I felt pressure and NOTHING more.  After the epidural kicked in, I told Rob we could stop lying to the family about the hospital rules that required they stay in the waiting area and let them back one at a time for no more than 5 minutes each.  I love my family, but I am easily annoyed on a good day, so we had decided ahead of time that the best thing for everyone was to not poke the bear :).

The epidural was great, but it slowed everything down a lot.  I think it was about 8PM when Dr White broke my water and we learned that Logan had passed meconium. At 11PM I was still only 6 cm dilated and having lots of IV pitocin...enough in fact that my contractions were only 45 seconds apart and not giving Logan enough recovery time.  A little after 11 a nurse came in to "flip me."  She watch the monitors and flipped me again about 60 second later...it was at that point that I felt like a cartoon character watching my own strip being written...Everything seemed foggy and muffled, there were words coming out of her mouth but nothing was computing...I was beginning to panic.  She yelled something across me aimed at the nurse in the hall way.  A second nurse came into the room and with one on each side grabbing a hold of the pee pad they tossed be from one side to another quickly and aggressively for several minutes.  Despite the fog, the panic and the drugs, I understood what was happening when they said, Call Dr White and get her in here now.  I made eye contact with Rob who mouthed the words, "it's ok..."  How I didn't start crying at that moment is beyond me.  The nurses wouldn't tell me much, Rob said he knew something was up because the heart rate monitor on Logan had slowed and become erratic.  OH MY GOD SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY BABY!!!!!!!!

Waiting for Dr White was the longest wait of my life, it was longer than the 9 months I'd spent incubating, it was longer than eternity...it was too long to wait to find out what was happening.  FINALLY, she walked in the room, looked and the print outs, "checked my oil," and said, "the baby is in some distress."  I began to cry.  A million thoughts slammed into my head like a train without breaks, one slamming into the next without stop.  She saw the look, I am sure I wasn't the first woman to have a full blown melt down in that room.  She said we could either do a semi-emergency C-section now, or wait a little while to see if he improved.  But knowing he'd already passed some meconium and that I was only at 6cm, if we did wait and there was no improvement then we'd have a full blown Emergency C-section...that meant I might be knocked out, Rob might not be in there in time and some other stuff, but I had stopped listening.  I had never considered having a c-section.  I am not a small woman, I knew I could have a baby.  It never occurred to me that I might not have to have a c-section because of me, but rather Logan would need the C-section so that he would be ok.  I looked at Rob, he said that a C-section wasn't a bad thing and I would be fine.  I think we talked about it, but mostly I remember saying, do whatever is the best for the baby, I don't want to take any chances.

She told me what would happen next, though I didn't hear a word and they started to prep me.  I was shaking and crying.  I was shaking to the point that the entire bed was shaking...I couldn't stop.  I was terrified.  More scared in that moment then I had ever been in my entire life.  I've never had surgery before in my life, and now we are having an emergency surgery because my baby needs help.  What if it's worse than they are telling me?  What if they need me to stay calm to control my vitals...what if he's not ok? In that moment, I would like to say that I prayed...but I don't remember.  All I remember is the feeling of terror.

They wheeled me to the OR,  strapped me to the table, put up a curtain and started working. I don't know what time they started, but at 1:06 AM on Saturday, March 6th, 2010 Rob said, "I see him."  For the second longest eternity of my life, I held my breath waiting.  And then he screamed.  A big, beautiful, lungs full of air and life and love and everything scream.  He was crying and cold and...he was ok!  Logan was in the world and he was perfect... 7lbs 15oz and 20.5inches of perfection.

I am a mommy.

Logan was cleaned up, a few pictures were snapped and he and Rob were whisked away to the nursery so the pediatrician could check him out. 

I was, still, shaking.  But, I was much more calm, cool and collected then I had been.  That is when I threw up...all over myself!  When you are strapped to a table, there isn't much you can do but turn your head and hope someone will clean you up.  So, that is exactly what I did.

It didn't matter what I looked like, or how I felt or what was happening in the world.  I was a mommy...and I could feel the difference.