Parenting is harder than Pro Football

In football, during the playoffs, teams get "Bye weeks."  In parenting, during the screamfest tournament, I get only a bye day...I think that is today.

Last night, more of the same.  We thought we'd give everyone a change of scenery and go out to dinner...BIG MISTAKE.  Maisie didn't want to eat and thus proceeded in one swift motion to create a 15+ foot splatter zone around her and our table.  The wait staff at La Hacienda seemed abundantly thrilled with this.  THEN, Logan began to melt down and not tell us what was wrong.  After 5 minutes of telling him that there were other people here who "didn't want to hear his mouth," (channeling my inner Bob May, I think) he finally caved and told me that his issue was that he wanted to be in a seat like Maisie.  So we sat, in a booth, with two kids crammed in high chairs at the end of the table...[enter pomp and circumstance that starts the circus H E R E]

This meant that we got to spend dinner saying, things like, "don't push her chair or you'll flip it over." "keep your feet off the table," "she can't get any closer/farther away because you're both in high chairs."  This culminated in my asking the waiter if he wanted either/both children.  Up until this point, he didn't speak great English (think of Rob using sign language for "Cheese Deep" and "small cerveza"), but that translated well enough that he picked up Maisie, in highchair, and walked away.  In parenting, there is a nanosecond where anything and everything makes you panic...he took just a hair longer than that nanosecond and I almost went after the dude.  But, he brought her right back (with a slightly less than panic look *note to self - start talking to Maisie now about stranger danger*), walked away and came back with a ring pop.  Yes folks, ONE ring pop...and 2 kids.  For the second time during dinner, I almost killed the waiter.  $1.50 later at check out we thwarted the single ring pop issue with Logan's first piece of gum (the giant ball of gum), a ring pop and 2 york patties. 

We will not be going out to eat with the kids again any time soon.

So, my "Bye day."  This morning, Logan was an angel...really an angel, almost better than his normal good self.  He got up happy, ate breakfast without incident, allowed me to dress him without a fight, went potty willingly... and then the Pièce de résistance, he said, "Mommy, I love you."  It was then I realized that today we both get a bye.  With any luck, it will last all weekend.  In all likelihood, it will last for 24-36 hours with only a few hiccups.  Either way, I'll take it. 

Pro Football players train, practice, play an entire Preseason and a Season of full contact football before they enter the playoffs and receive their "bye week."  Parents get 9 months to joyfully plan for the next 18 years, at best they trained as teenagers while baby sitting or watching a younger sibling.  Parenting is a full contact sport, if you don't believe me, just try to trim the fingernails/toenails of a toddler, or attempt to politely suck boogers out of their nose with one of those bulb things...it's full contact people, take my word for it. So, today I will gladly take a bye and use it to find perspective.

I am glad that parenting is my sport, I would choose it any day over pro football.  The rewards are far greater and much longer lasting... Everything about parenting is better than pro football...well, except for the pay.

The Sport of ScreamCrying & who are you people?

If scream-crying was a sport, then I'd say we've had a monumental "game" at our house...nay a tournament lately. If you don't know what scream-crying is, then I suggest putting on the music you hated the most in high school, on repeat, as loud as your Bose system will go, for as long as you can stand it...that will irritate a fraction of the nerve that scream-crying attacks. 

I don't know if it's age, lack of sleep, hormones (mine or theirs) or what, but for the past 3 days E V E R Y T H I N G sets my kids off.  This morning I put the toothpaste on Logan's toothbrush and 30 minutes later, after Rob held him for 10 minutes, it was like a switch.  The "Game" was over- he fell silent and ate breakfast.   In what I will refer to as "tournament games," (you know, those that really count) over the past few days it only takes one kid starting the scream cry and with in minutes the other one chimes in.  I've tried my best, WE've tried our best to do what the pediatrician recommends and ignore the behavior but we can't.  I've tried time out, for me and the kids and nothing works. 

H E L P

You know the phrase, Life's a journey, well Parenting is more like a Marine Corps mud run except everything is dirty and you don't know why, the obstacles are harder because you don't understand them and the people who are "winning" are literally half your size.  I suggest you plan your attack one step at a time...

Step one - WINE and lots of it.  That's really as far as I've gotten into the "step" process, so really if you know step two and beyond, please share.

In a totally separate and random stream of thought...

I like to tell stories; real ones, not fiction.  I'd never be good at writing a book because everyone I know would sue me for telling on them...really, I'm not a great writer, I just know a bunch of kooks who do fun/funny stuff and give me "material."

With that said, I've gotten several notes about how much folks are enjoying my blog.  "That is great," I say, "Please continue to follow me."  I have 4 followers.   I don't care if I have 1 or 700, but what I do wonder is how in the world I have 4 followers and yet 70+ people have read several of my blog posts.  Who are you people and why am I so interesting?  Follow me for Pete sake, I want to know who you are!